EMOTIONALLY FOCUSED COUPLES and INDIVIDUAL THERAPY
Emotionally Focused Couples and Individual Therapy (EFT) is an evidence based, effective treatment for couples. EFT has been found to show significant improvement in 88% of couples treated with EFT. It is also the only couples therapy approach that is based in a theory of love. In EFT, it is believed that loving relationships are created when we have a secure attachment with our partner, feeling that our partner is responsive, and that we feel love, accepted, and respected. When we feel the other is responsive, we feel as though we can turn to our partner to talk about our bad day, that thing they just said that upset us, the sex life, the finances, or anything else. Many couples that come to see me have been to couples therapy before without success, but find the EFT approach to both capture the issues that are occurring, as well as providing a way to change the patterns to develop a closer, more loving relationship.
I have always been interested in relationships –– what makes them work, what doesn’t, why in one instance they can feel so incredible, and in another, they can feel so devastating. Through my own personal and clinical work, I have seen how early family structures impact how we view ourselves and also permeate into our relationships. Attachment theory provides a framework to better understand these impacts, and also a better way to create healthy and meaningful relationships with ourselves and others.
EYE MOVEMENT DESENSITIZATION REPROCESSING (EMDR) and PARTS WORK
EMDR is an evidence-based treatment for trauma that is very effective in helping clients to process and reduce the symptoms associated with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Its application goes beyond just PTSD, but also to situations where one is reacting disproportionately to the situation. Whether they are feelings of fear, anger, shame, loss, or another feelings that may be due to a past negative experience, rather than the current situation, EMDR can be effective. One theory is that trauma or negative experience becomes wired in the brain so that it feels like the event has just happened the other day even when it may have happened many years ago. When the trauma is processed, it is integrated with the rest of the neural system and the fight or flight symptoms that go along with PTSD or that leads to the reactivity are diminished. EMDR works with many traumas such as the loss of a loved one, a sexual assault, child abuse, near death experiences, car accidents, phobias, and many other problems. EMDR is also used to process less catestrophic traumas, but traumas none the less that may be causing one to be reacting with anxiety or anger (that fight or flight response).
Parts work therapy is precisely what it sounds like – a therapeutic approach designed to help patients deal with the different parts of themselves created through chronic trauma, eventually bringing a sense of peace and wholeness to the person. For instance, a therapist might have us begin working through a particularly traumatic memory. Part of us might want the release and relief offered by working through it, but another part interferes with the process to protect us from the threatening emotions that will arise. Most people have different parts of themselves. This does not mean that we have multiple personalities or that everyone suffers from structural dissociation. For instance, when we make a mistake doing something, the voice of our inner critic could sound like a disapproving family member from our past. The critic is part of us, but it is also that family member’s voice, and can also feel separate from the part making the mistake. Chronic trauma is often held within specific parts of ourselves – usually, a “younger” self that is roughly the same emotional age as we were when the trauma occurred. Parts work therapy strives to resolve those memories and ease the emotional burdens, by erasing the lines between the different “parts” of ourselves. Parts work is usually integrated into a specific therapeutic approach. IFS and EMDR are two popular approaches that can both accommodate parts work.
PSYCHODYNAMIC THERAPY Psychodynamic therapy is derived from psychoanalytic therapy, and both are based on the work of Sigmund Freud. Psychodynamic therapy is an in-depth form of talk therapy based on the theories and principles of psychoanalysis. In effect, talking about problems in a therapeutic setting can be extremely valuable for the individual. It aims to discover the root causes of one’s inner conflicts, underlying relational patterns, and ways of interacting with oneself and others. Psychodynamic therapy is an insight-oriented approach that helps individuals to feel more deeply. Psychodynamic therapy aims to help individuals to develop insight regarding how they pursue conflicts based on their past experiences and early development. This approach focuses on emotional development and helping individuals to track their different emotional states.
MINDFULNESS AND SOMATIC PRACTICES Mindfulness encompasses two key ingredients: awareness and acceptance. Awareness is the knowledge and ability to focus attention on one’s inner processes and experiences, such as the experience of the present moment. Acceptance is the ability to observe and accept—rather than judge or avoid—those streams of thought. The goal of mindfulness is to cultivate perspective on one’s consciousness and identity that can bring greater peace mentally and relationally. It incorporates mindfulness practices that include present moment awareness, meditation, and breathing exercises.
Somatic therapy emphasizes helping you develop resources within yourself in order to self-regulate your emotions, or to move out of the fight/flight/freeze response and into a higher-functioning mode where you can think more clearly. Through developing awareness of the mind-body connection and using specific interventions, somatic therapy helps to release the tension, anger, frustration, and other emotions that remain in your body from these past negative experiences. The goal is to help free you from what is preventing you from fully engaging in your lives. Treatment techniques include deep breathing, relaxation exercises, and meditation, each used to help relieve symptoms. Physical awareness is a key part and centering is a foundational practice in which you develops a calm home base in your body. It is achieved through building awareness of one’s muscles, breath, and mood. By slowing down one’s breathing, you are able to “feel” more of what’s going on around and inside yourself.
To make an appointment for a consultation or a session, email nicole@nicoleohebshalom.com