The term feminine can be very confusing and often implies that a certain criterion needs to be fulfilled, such as attending goddess circles and wearing flowing boho clothing. In gender studies, it’s having qualities associated with delicacy and prettiness. In reality, feminine and masculine mean different things to different people. And, the qualities live in both genders.
In simplistic terms, I like to think of masculine aspect in us as the part of us that likes to get things done. It’s the part of us that organizes, strives and does. Our feminine is our creativity. Both need to be present to live a relaxed and relational life.
The demands of our daily life leave us mostly centered around our masculine expression so we can be efficient and assertive. But, these are not useful when we want to relax, feel and flow with life. When we are constantly in our masculine, we can feel this state of chronic stress that increases our cortisol leading to a cascade of hormonal havoc. The feminine aspect of relaxing, pleasure, beauty and feeling can offset the stress response. We must accept and cultivate both aspects. This integration places a fuller you into the world.
When we come back to our feminine and integrate it with our masculine, we strip away layers of behaviors, masks and coping. We begin to feel who we really are underneath it all. We re-calibrate our hormones, our nervous system resets, our intuition comes back online and creativity soares. We return to feeling through the body and trusting what we felt. We realize the moments we ‘push’ or ‘don’t feel good enough’ so we can re-calibrate to a more natural state of relaxation and release so we can be ourselves.
Through the body, feminine tools can balance the nervous system. Feminine skills for the body need to be practiced and cultivated to enhance sensitivity, feeling, creativity and expression. We each have a unique natural inclination in how we feel the happiest and most expressed. Finding your authentic expression is more important than fitting in with the way we image a feminine expression looks like. One’s expression does not fit all. The feminine expression comes from an authentic, heartfelt, embodied wisdom expressed by your uniqueness. It’s not on a strip pole, a feather boa or lingerie, though it can be!
By attending to the body, we can become aware of relaxation and feelings. Here is an easy way to become aware of the sensations in your body. Take a moment to notice your body. Are you relaxed and comfortable or do you feel tension somewhere? If you are sitting, begin feeling your body in the chair. Begin subtly moving, wiggle your toes and stretch your feet. Begin moving your spine wherever you are feeling. Primarily focus on areas that feel good, expanding the pleasurable sensations through your movement. Allow yourself to take this movement to just be with the sensations in your body. Dance by listening to the way your body wants to move to feel pleasure.
Another feminine relaxation tool is to use present-moment awareness. Take a moment to define pleasurable activities for each of your five senses. Begin incorporating sensory enjoyment into your life. As you consciously engage in your senses, you can gradually notice subtle shifts in your body and energy levels. For example, wherever you are find things of beauty to observe. In your office and home, create displays that give you pleasure and positive sensations in your body when you look at them. The key is to look at something you enjoy rather than something that disturbs your nervous system.
I hope these practices inspire and encourage you while reconnecting to your body, beauty within you and returning to your natural flow.
Art by Marie Sophie Lockhart